


the saddest people smile the brightest

by RainbowAra



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, angsty, mako and haru are only mentioned so far, mental issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:38:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2149317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowAra/pseuds/RainbowAra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa got a different side he wants no one to see</p>
            </blockquote>





	the saddest people smile the brightest

**Author's Note:**

> Or: the fic in which I let Nagisa have all the issues and bad feelings I'm going through atm with some more/differences to fit in his situation/personality/age/etc
> 
> I'm really sorry for letting him suffer like this...
> 
> Also: I don't want to offend anyone I just got a lot of bullshit inside me right now and I just want to get rid of it with writing it all down, I think it just helps me, because writing and singing always helped me...
> 
> I hope I didn't made any huge typos or grammar mistakes, if so, please let me know and I'll change it!

Rei got into the train, knowing that there would be a certain blonde waiting for him, waving and shouting his name. Knowing that would have a seat reserved for him, Rei didn't even thought about searching for one. He ended up at the space where Nagisa would be already sitting and waiting for him but... nothing. The seats where not empty, no, but there wasn't the blonde boy from his swim club and class but these two girls who where usually standing near them and gossiping about probably anyone who got into their eyesight (normally about him and Nagisa, too.) 

He cleared his throat in order to get their attention.  
They stopped their talking and looked up, annoyed and maybe even disgusted. If hate wouldn't be such an ugly and not beautiful at all emotion, Rei would really detest them.   
"Ehm, have you, by any chance, seen my friend who's usually sitting here?", he asked because he knew that they got onto the train the same stop Nagisa did.  
They looked at each other for a second before one of them started responding with an snotty undertone in her voice: "Aw, looking for your boyfriend, eh? Sorry, hun, thankfully I haven't seen this annoying brat anywhere today. And now... Go jump in the lake!" She waved her hand in a gesture that shooed Rei off.   
He opened his mouth to come up with a witty response, but decided to better leave it be. There wouldn't be any point arguing with some of their intellect anyway. So instead, he started walking through the train, looking if Nagisa could be found somewhere else then their usual seats but he ended his search unsuccessfully. Resigned, he left out a small sigh and pulled out his phone out of his backpack. He tried to textmessage his friend which was quite more difficult to manage with only one free hand.

"Good morning, Nagisa-kun. I can't find you. Where are you?  
-Rei" 

He liked keeping his texts short and simple, to save time and effort, Nagisa, on the other hand, didn't as Rei could see again at the answer he received only a few minutes after.

"Ah, good morning, Rei-chan~! (^-^) You know, I wasn't feeling well today so my mother told me to take a day off! (´・ｖ・)  
But today's swim training, so I'm super sad I can't come. (╯︵╰,) can you pretty pretty please tell Haru-chan and Mako-chan that I won't be coming today? (^.^) That would be so nice of you, Rei-chan~ ♥  
So, see you tomorrow, I guess?? (^○^)/ and again, I'm sooo sorry I can't take responsibility for you today, Rei-chan! (> ○^)~♥  
♥"

Rei blushed a little while reading the last line and seeing all those little hearts in Nagisas text. He wondered what he meant by that but eventually decided that it hadn't any furthermore meaning because that's probably how Nagisa text all his friends, after all. At least, it would suit him, Rei assumed after knowing the other boy for over a year now. So he just pushed up his glasses to hide his face from public then started to type another text. 

"Not tomorrow, Nagisa-kun, today. I'll be giving you your homework. That's my duty as your classmate, after all.   
-Rei"

This time, Nagisas answer took some more time then before, which kind of worried Rei.

"Aw, Rei-chan, you're no fun at all!! ( ≧Д≦) you don't even let me have one day without homework even when poor me is sick! Not fair! (ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)º"

Rei sighed. All this crying would get him nowhere because he refused to argue about this. After all, he promised Nagisa's mother to help him raise his grades again so he had to make his homework on a daily base. And to show Nagisa that all crying is useless, he ignored it and just answered: 

"see you later today, Nagisa-kun.   
-Rei"

Nagisa tried to change Rei's decision with some more whiny messages that Rei ignored completely. And with all these texts coming in, he somehow forgot to get off the train one stop earlier to walk to school so he ended up driving all the way, cursing himself for not paying attention at his surroundings just because he was worried about Nagisa and probably pitied him.  
The first some hours seemed way longer then usual without someone playing stupid pranks on him or firing little paper balls at him to get his attention. At break the others were already waiting on the school roof, seeming quite surprised that the small, blonde one was missing.   
"Eh? But Nagisa would never miss school, especially not when we have training..." Makoto seemed worried and reminded the others of that one time Nagisa had a pretty bad flu, came to school anyway and ended up sleeping in during math class and got carried home by Makoto afterwards because Rei wouldn't have handled him on his own the whole way. They remembered and it got Rei worried even more. After training (whilst he couldn't stay focused) Rei made his way to the station as fast as he could so he could catch the earlier train, his hair was still wet but he didn't care he was way too deep into thoughts about the other one and what Makoto said earlier.   
He stayed in the train longer, got out at Nagisa's stop, two stops after his and jogged to Nagisa's house (he jogged to compensate his lack of walking in the morning).  
Nagisa's mother opened the door, greeted him cheerfully, let him in and let him go upstairs after he told her that he had today's homework aswell as the notes he should be learning for tomorrow's test.   
He got up the stairs, knocked the door politely and waited for Nagisa to call him in, in case he would be sleeping or something among the line. A small 'yeah?' was all he needed to let himself in.  
Nagisa looked up from his pillows and his eyes widened a bit at Rei's sight.   
"Rei-chan! You're still coming after all the texts I send you?"   
Rei wasn't sure if Nagisa was glad about him showing up or upset. But he smiled nonetheless.   
Rei made his way inside Nagisa's room and sat down on the edge of his bed.  
"The others were worried about you, so I had to take a look after you, hadn't I? Also I got the homework, everything we wrote down today aswell as everything you need for the test tomorrow!"  
Nagisa's face lightened up a bit when he heard the first part.   
"So the others were worried. And what about you? Were you worried too, Rei-chan?" He smiled a devious grin but only for a second so it was a blink-and-miss but Rei knew that Nagisa loved it to emberass him so he was sure he had seen it.

"Sure, we ALL were worried about you. Happy?"   
Nagisa hummed in approval before taking a sip from his tea that stood on his nightstand.  
"How are you feeling, Nagisa-kun? I hope better." Rei put his hand on the other's forehead to feel his temperature. He moved in closet in order to reach him.   
Nagisa thought about the question before answering rather chirpy but with a scratchy voice, probably from coughing.  
"I dunno... But I had bad fever tonight so my mom told me to stay at home for two more days" He told him with one of his heart warming beams on his face.   
The next almost 3 hours they spent with talking, Rei forcing Nagisa to make his homework and even managed to make some time to explain Nagisa new stuff they talked about in physics. 

Rei went to the bathroom and when he came back he wanted to move on to math. But he just stood in the doorway, a hopeless smile on his face as he saw that the other one has fallen asleep on top of his textbook. His sick organism probably too exhausted to stay focused any longer on anything.   
Rei tried to avoid any noise as he packed up his own stuff, lifting Nagisa up from his book and carefully lying him back onto his pillows where the blonde immediately cuddled himself into one of them, and mumbled a low and hard to hear 'goodbye' before he left the room. He told Nagisa's mother that her son was fast asleep and made his way home.   
He had to hurry so he could himself learn a bit for tomorrow's test. (He was well prepared, though, as he had learned for it for quite a time now so all he had to do was repeat everything again. But still, there's nothing wrong in being extra prepared and know more then you need to pass it all, especially when your name's Rei Ryugazaki)

Nagisa on the other hand waited until he heard the door downstairs close, waited until his mother came up to find him 'sleeping' in his bed. Waiting for her to feel his forehead just to realise that his temperature had risen again and waited until she finally got up, turned the lights out, and finally left after she softly closed the door behind her.

After some minutes, he started trembling due trying to hold back the low sobs that still found their way through his tears. It was hard to always play cheerful and without any sorrows when you, deep inside just don't want to go on anymore. Especially when you thought of yourself as a terrible human being.


End file.
